Tantrums

They can be embarrassing, frustrating, and annoying — but less so if you recognize that tantrums are a natural part of babyhood (and toddlerhood). Your baby is not trying to be manipulative or malicious with his oubursts. Tantrums signal his frustration when he has trouble communicating or becomes upset at not getting what he wants. Especially when language skills are still developing and a sense of preferences is growing, your baby has little choice but to fall back on the primitive "babyish" responses of crying and screaming.

The good news: He will eventually outgrow this phase. For now, here are a few sanity-saving tips to keep in mind:

• Be responsive. Your baby develops a sense of self-worth and happiness as you take care of his wants and needs, so it's best to fulfill his "requests" whenever possible and practical. If you can't give your baby what he wants and he reacts emotionally, be calm and comforting. It also helps to offer another option.


• Prevention pays. You can prevent some tantrums by avoiding situations that may upset your baby or planning for them ahead of time. Giving your baby the chance to choose among alternatives (food, activities, and so on) and minimizing your use of "no" will also help bolster his emotional resilience and stability.


• Keep your cool. When your baby is having a tantrum, be calm and neutral about it. If you can, resist paying your child too much attention, which only fuels the tantrum. Acknowledge his feelings: "Mad? You're mad because you want another cookie?" Then calmly state your rule. "No cookie now, but after lunch." A flailing toddler is not going to absorb much discussion or teaching at this point. Avoid arguing with your baby — yelling or threatening is likely to just escalate the tantrum and frighten him (the tantrum itself may scare your baby because he feels out of control emotionally). Stay close to him and hold him if possible. If your baby becomes violent, take him to a safe place where he can settle down.